


The Humorous Encounters of the Akatsuki

by Itachi-Uchiha-lover (TheAssassinLover)



Category: Naruto
Genre: Crack, F/M, Gen, Humor, Parody, just for fun, none of this is serious, old, post from ffn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-20
Updated: 2019-09-19
Packaged: 2020-10-24 11:51:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 1,988
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20705534
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheAssassinLover/pseuds/Itachi-Uchiha-lover
Summary: Even in an organization as dangerous as the Akatsuki there has to be a few stupidly hilarious incidents. These are just a few of them. Series of one-shots. Will be labeled complete though more could come out. Contains OCs.





	1. Tickle Torture

**Author's Note:**

> Old post from fanfiction.net from 2013-2015. Still makes me snicker a bit so I don't hate it. Enjoy.

It was really dark in the cell where Katerina was still hanging. Then suddenly she had an unexplainable urge to start humming the Jaws theme.

_Duh nuh_

She was unaware of the shadow approaching the cell.

_Duh nuh_

They turned down the hallway to her locked door.

_Dun Du Dun Du Dun Du Dun Du Dun Du Dun Du Dun Du Dun Du_

The figure unlocked the door and turned the handle.

_DUN!_

Katerina let out a very girlish shriek when the door flew open revealing Kisame who jumped. "What the hell was that?!" He asked her.

"Sorry, I just wasn't expecting you." She said regaining composure.

"Whatever I was told to try and get information from you." He told her while approaching.

"Good luck. So what are you going to do? Needles, fire, knives…"

"I'm going to tickle you." He said.

She raised an eyebrow. "Come again?"

"You heard me." He wiggled his fingers and tickled her stomach. She squealed. "Now spill your secrets."

She laughed before blurting. "When I was five I found a playboy magazine in my brother's room!"

Kisame stopped for a moment looking at her incredulously. "Okay…not what I meant." He said continuing his attack.

"I used to torture the mean lady down the street's cats!" She cried out. "I'm the one who sent a dead rat addressed to our clan leader to the police force!"

Kisame sweat dropped. "I didn't want to hear your life story."

Katerina wasn't listening. "I lit one of the higher class kid's pants on fire! I ate the chocolate cake my mom said not to touch and let my brother take the blame! When I was younger I used to hate my teammates' sister until she was engaged to my brother! I had inappropriate fantasies about a four way with my teammates, Itachi, and myself!" She revealed and Kisame finally stopped.

"That's it I'm done." He said turning and leaving the room with that highly disturbing image in his head.

* * *

"So did you find anything out Kisame?" Pein asked him when he returned.

"Yeah, her mind is worse than the pits of hell." He said. "I'm going to be scarred for life." With that he left the room leaving a thoroughly confused Pein behind.


	2. Hidan Meets a Dinosaur

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This came from [this](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WitFf06hJBs)

"This is ridiculous." Katerina told the blonde pyromaniac in front of her.

"Just do it, un." He said. "Trust me it'll be hilarious."

Katerina looked at him skeptically but sighed and nodded. She was currently in a T-Rex costume complete with a full head cover. "Whatever let's get this over with."

She was pushed into the common room where there was only one person currently. A certain Jashinist who looked up when she entered and looked absolutely shocked.

Suddenly the Jurassic Park theme began to play out of nowhere and Hidan sang words along with it.

"Holy fucking shit it's a dinosaur Jesus Christ what the fuck? Oh my fucking god fucking dinosaurs holy shit what the fuuu-uuuu-uuuck?"

Katerina just stared at him sweat dropping while hysterical laughter broke out from behind her. Finally she just turned and left the room wondering how in hell this was the most feared criminal organization in the world.


	3. I'm Blue

Deidara had planned on taking a shower before he went to sleep. That had been his honest intentions, but after walking by the bathroom he found himself running back to his room to get his video camera. When he returned it was perfect. He set up the camera so the shadow dancing behind the curtain could be seen and pushed record.

In the shower Kisame was singing to himself a rather fitting son in the artist's opinion. This was just too great to pass up.

"I'm blue da ba dee da ba die, da ba dee, da ba die da ba dee da ba die, da ba dee, da ba die da ba dee da ba die, da ba dee, da ba die da ba dee da ba die." Kisame sang while swaying his hips as he washed his hair.

Deidara bit his cheek to keep from laughing. Kisame was never going to live this down.

"I have a blue house with a blue window, blue is the color of all that I wear, blue are the streets and all the trees are blue, I have a girlfriend and she is so blue, blue are the people here that walk around, blue like my corvette, it's standing outside, blue are the words I say and what I think, blue are the feelings that live inside me." Kisame kept singing until he had finished the song by which point Deidara was sure he was going to die. Finally he couldn't help it and burst out laughing.

Kisame immediately stuck his head out the curtain only to see the blonde artist standing there with a camera. "Deidara!" He yelled as the younger man fled the scene.

* * *

By the time Kisame was dressed and had entered the common room to join the rest of the Akatsuki Deidara had hooked the camera to the computer and was showing everyone the video. Everyone one was amused. Pein and Itachi were both smirking while Katerina was on the floor laughing and holding her gut.

She looked up and saw Kisame standing there and laughed even harder. "O-oh boy, fish stick I'm never letting you live this down." She said wiping tears away. "Not only are you an awful dancer but you can't sing either." With those words she continued to laugh while wiping tears away.

Meanwhile Kisame had turned a very interesting shade of purple. He was going to kill Deidara for this later.


	4. Dude Looks Like a Lady

Revenge. Sweet, sweet revenge. That was all that ran through Kisame's mind as he peered into the bathroom where Deidara was currently showering, a camera securely in his grip.

"That, that dude looks like a lady~" Deidara's voice flooded the room. Oh yes, sweet indeed. Kisame pushed record and waited. Deidara's figure could be seen using a shampoo bottle as a microphone as he sang a rather fitting song in Kisame's opinion. "That, that dude looks like a lady~"

Kisame chuckled adjusting the camera angle to include Deidara's swaying hips. Katerina would surly get a kick out of this one, along with the rest of the Akatsuki. Deidara really began to get into it as he sang and moved with the lyrics to the song. "Never judge a book by its cover, or who you gonna love by your lover, sayin' love put me wise to her love in disguise, she had the body of a Venus, Lord imagine my surprise~" Kisame lost it laughing loudly causing the blonde to jump in surprise and look out the shower curtain. "Kisame, un!" He shouted as the shark man bolted back to his room. He quickly uploaded the video to his computer and burned it to a disk.

By the time Deidara made it to the commons room it was too late. "Hey guys I have something to show you." Kisame was saying before he inserted the disk to the shared computer and played it. After it finished many members were laughing, Katerina was on the floor, and Deidara looked ready to die.

"Wow brat, I never knew you could sing." Sasori said with a humorous smirk.

"Shut up, un." Deidara muttered embarrassed.

"Eh, cheer up blondie. It's no worse than what you did to me." Kisame told him. "Besides, at least your voice doesn't kill babies."

Meanwhile Katerina was finally catching her breath. "Never has a song suited you better Deidara." She said after she stood before bolting towards the door.

"I'll blow you to bits you damned Uchiha." He called running after her before stopping as he felt a presence appear behind him.

"I would not suggest that." Itachi said in a low voice and Deidara gulped and shrunk back.

"Damn you're scary when you want to be, un. No hard feelings then. I was joking anyways, un." He said walking away from him.

Katerina entered the room. "You know," She began. "This still doesn't beat the Hidan dinosaur incident."

"Hey shut up! I was drunk and you know it." Hidan snapped defensively.

"Yeah you keep telling yourself that. Anyway, how about we make this place a little more interesting? Anytime you catch another member doing something hilarious, weird, or both you are to film it and play it for the rest of us. Let's see what kind of secrets we can unfold." The expression Katerina wore was enough to make everyone uneasy. Deviously mischievous would not begin to cover that expression. Nonetheless everyone agreed. This could be interesting. No one noticed Itachi's smirk.


	5. Cats or Sims

Pein looked down at the helpless people before him. "That's right, beg and plead." He said as he watched their panicked expression. "Know your place mortals. I am your god!" His eyes grew fierce. "Your toilet is mine and-!"

"What are you doing?" Pein let out a very unmanly squeak that made Katerina role her eyes. "You know as the leader of the most feared ninja organization in the world you're pretty oblivious." She looked over Pein's shoulder and snorted. "You're playing the Sims 3. Why?"

"They needed to be put in place by their god." Pein said lowly.

"You took out their toilet. I could take a hammer and do the same thing to us." Katerina deadpanned. "Anyways stop playing around; I want to check the organization's facebook page." Pein mumbled something about being all powerful before saving and quitting his game. "Stupid god complex." Katerina muttered as he walked away."

"I heard that."

"You were supposed to." She replied sweetly as she logged on. "Let's see, Kakashi Hatake, Sabaku no Gaara, Chiyo Oh, – HEY SASORI YOUR GRANDMA LIKED OUR PAGE!" "Don't care." "Fuck you – Orochimaru…eww, and that's it. Four new likes, not bad." She moved over to check the messages. " And now for the threats: We will find you, signed Sunagakure, Your demise is coming, signed Konohagakure, and…" Katerina stared at the screen blankly for a moment before reading loudly. "Itachi and Katerina your deaths will be far from swift. I will find you and you will pay, do you hear me? PAY! I'm growing stronger by the day, and nothing is going to stop me. Except for bunnies. THE BUNNIES ARE EVIL! Signed Sasuke." It took her another minute before she fell on the floor laughing.

Just about that moment Itachi entered the room. "Do I want to know?"

"I-I think…your brother's off his pills." She gasped as tears ran down her face.

Itachi looked at the screen and sighed. "He never did like rabbits." He reached to pull Katerina up.

"Sasuke's crazy, you know that right?" She asked leaning against him.

"And that makes you…"

"Hey!"

"I'm kidding." He smirked. Katerina hit him lightly sticking her tongue out at him. "Keep that up and I'll bite it." Katerina squeaked turning red.

"Oi, not in the common room." Pein's voice said from the corner. "Can I have the computer back now?"

"No, the last thing we need is to fuel your god complex." Katerina said sternly.

"Last I check I was the leader of this organization." Pein told her. "You do well to remember that."

"Hmmm, okay oh great and powerful leader." A scheming expression suddenly crossed over Katerina's features. "I'll leave you to that then." Then she slipped from the room as swiftly as a cat.

Itachi thought about stopping what she was up to but decided against it. Chances are he'd just get dragged into whatever she had planned.

* * *

Hours later Pein finished playing with the virtual lives and went to retire to his bedroom. When he entered the adjacent bathroom he froze. Where the toilet once was there was now a pile of shattered porcelain. "KATERINA!"

Her laughter could be heard throughout the hideout. "I told you it was easy!"

Pein was going to kill that girl…

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know if I'll ever add more to this or not, either way, I think it stands as is. See ya!


End file.
